I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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