Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
