in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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