My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
