You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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