I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
