Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
