I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
