Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
4 words: hood of his car
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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