i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
