hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
