I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Less talking, more tequila
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
