Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
