I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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