3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
