Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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