Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
