I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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