I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
