Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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