The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
