dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
