Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
