Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
