He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
