After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
