His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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