my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
