I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
