As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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