My sheets look like a crime scene.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
