She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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