it's too hot outside to masturbate.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
