remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
