At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The power of my boobs compel you
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