when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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