If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
please come you make the beer taste better
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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