I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
