I wish you could order shots online.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are we still banned from the library?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize