so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
