He asked to "fluff my boner.."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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