you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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