I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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