have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
