Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
