i need an iv and a liver transplant
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
