the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
