Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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