community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize