oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
