Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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