Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
