my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
