People in love make me want to vomit
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
