I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
