after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize