yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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