My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
