You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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