you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
