Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
