I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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