Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
