Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
