Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
