I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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