I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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