I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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