i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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