I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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