I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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