Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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