Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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