your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
