I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
