ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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