You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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