I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
