What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
