We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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