I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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