He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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