matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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