Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So squirting runs in the family.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
