he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize