Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
