using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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