brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
