Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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