the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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