You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize