she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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