I hate all girls vehemently.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
