Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
