this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
