dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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