apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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