You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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