what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
