Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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