allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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