I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
