So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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